Had I known....

Had I known who I was going to be born to....I would have been born earlier so I don't have to fear losing my mother when I am in my 30s.

Had I known I would be blessed with the World s best brother.....I would never have fought when we were kids.

Had I known that I would miss my grandmother so much, I never would have let her go to Colombo in her last stages.

Had I known that I would think about my dad so much in my late 20s and 30s, I would have been nicer to him.

Had I known that I would be head over heals in love with my friend from primary school who is also my very first crush, I never would have quit searching.

Had I known about Sexual abuse as a child like how my kids know about it now, I never would have gone to that neighbour's house only to feel used and fear gripping all over me.

Had I known to share with elders or seek help, I never would have allowed them to spoil my innocence.

Had I known that my teenage crush proposed to me just to win over a bet with friends, I never would have woken up at 4am often just to go for a morning walk.

Had I known to give a kick on the balls of that old bastard, I would have the very first time he touched me where he should not have, instead I waited for a couple of years to muster courage.

Had I known to say NO, I would have the minute my doc tried to misbehave in the most unsuspecting manner.

Had I known what it is to get really high marks and be a topper, I would never have studied a day before exams and still end up getting a 1st class. I probably would have put in efforts from Day 1.

Had I known that I would develop love for singing, I would have listened to Appa and continued to learn Music.

Had I known that my relationship with a guy in my late teens would turn sour, I would have let myself get caught by my dad when he saw us, instead of going into a hiding.

Had I known that there would be a big rift between my best friend and I, never would have gotten so close to her. Memories are afresh but hurts.....

Had I known that I would find one of my best friends at the age of 20, I would have spent more quality time.

Had I known I would find a soul mate in a friend at 21, would have tried to be friendly with her from the age of 16.

Had I known I would find the love of my life online.....never would have logged that night only to be hurt at the end.

Life has taken a round about post that and I hope I muster up courage to write more later.

If only we had known what was in store for us, it would have been more rosy if only we could change what is destined for us. Now that we know we can do no shit about it, why even think. Thinking of Life's lessons learnt the hard way. Some turned me into the positive person that I am and some instilled the negativity that I carry around too.

But I for sure know that my positive vibes are much more than the negativity. If all of us can take every single distress call as a learning experience, life would be so much better.

Thinking about these lessons and some of them I really wish to erase off my memory. These are times when I wish to go back and rewrite history.

Had I known.......I would have been better.

A moment of Silence - November 19th 2009

Friends,

I am not sure how many of you had the chance to glance through the Hindu today or Thina Thanthi. 13yr old Arvindan studying in a private school in Virugambakkam was ran over by a lorry yesterday morning when he was cycling to school. He died on the spot. Infact, Arvind lives in the same apartment as Sayee and I live in (a different block though). Everyone known to the boy are shattered to get the news specially those that even met him even a day before. It did not hit me so hard until I saw his photo this morning.....that is when I realised that I have also seen him play downstairs. The boy's Mother fainted as soon as she heard the news out of shock. He was the only child to the parents.

I am sorry that I am writing a blog on this but would request everyone to take a minute at your convenience to obtain silence and also pray that the family and loved ones of the boy have the courage to take this loss at their stride. I know it is easy said than done.

Quite often, these kind of incidents make me think about Fate/Destiny and what purpose we are all here for. I try to dwell deep into karma and karmic power but no proven answers. I know we are all born and are destined to leave someday but how do we cope with such losses? I think this is when an institution like SAHHEAL that Bhavani had posted about will come into play where it might help.

I still remember the time when I lost my dad and I was doing my 2nd year of college. My mother was shattered and also started reading a book called 'Life after Death' which she is still reading. I also started reading but never got to complete it. How is it that we are able to move on with our lives after having lost someone so close? I still shed a tear when I think of my dad, my grandmother who I was close to more than anyone else, my uncles, my cousin but then life has got to move on. Life is so strange at times and before beginning to act strange, I am going conclude this blog. If any of you have any thoughts, please dont hesistate to share them and sorry for dragging away from the actual subject but I just had to get it out of me.

I will move on now.

Vaidehi

Scary night

Last night indeed was scary....

It was about 9:30pm when Satish confirmed that he was on his way and as I went to attend nature's call, I heard a boy crying out loud Appa Appa.....I got a shock of my life and was so startled that I just got out to see if everything was okay downstairs. To my surprise, almost every other neighbour was out to see what had gone wrong.

It was none other than our notorious neighbour on the first floor who were as usual quarreling and I guess was also physically abusing the wife. When my neighbour on the 2nd floor and I were talking the notorious man came out and when we questioned, he said that everything was alright. After a few minutes, it started again and this was indeed not the first time. This has been going on for months in regular intervals. We decided to inform the secretary who was at the shuttle tournament downstairs. To our shock, there was a crowd that had gathered to see what went wrong and to find a solution. One of the two men in that house acted very weird considering that he was piss drunk. He abused all of us and used bad language and also took a wooden plank to hit us. Everyone stopped him and his family came rushing to put an end to the commotion. Things got very dirty and the cops had to be called.

The husband tried to apologise and said that his brother will not behave that way going forward and not to make an issue out of it. It was too late as the cops were on the way. The men fled giving some lame reason out of the apt. The family promised that this will not be repeated and then once the cops arrived after nearly 20mins of calling, they made some enquiry and left the place. Such neighbours should not be allowed to stay in big apts or even if they happen to stay, they should ensure that their problems are kept within 4 walls and not let it out as public nuisance.

The three kids in their family are watching this day in and day out and not sure how much of a psychological effect this will have on them. Hope things turn out smooth for their family and they let the rest of us stay in peace

We did everything with great guts but we did not have that lil bit of fear in us once we got back home.

My first day of Blogging

This has turned out truly exciting. Off-late, I have come across a lot of people who have their own blog site and I was wondering why not create one for myself. A long pending act attained its fruit today when I went through Gayathri Anand's and Sranj's Blog spot today. If their kids who are aged between 5 and 10 can have their own pages, I felt the need to have one for myself.

So I begin my journey of writing and I know I am not so bad yet can try and pen down whatever comes to my mind.

In-fact, I am not comfortable at this stage that anyone reads this for they may laugh at me but will definitely give access for readers soon. I chose a template, saved settings, wrote about me and now my first post is getting ready to be published and I hope I will write more in the future.

Technology has advanced so much that I am sure a lot of people who were in the habit of writing diaries would jump into writing on blogs. I have been so ignorant about this while I concentrated all my time at work all these years.

Today is Pongal Day - Thai Thirunal however, we are not celebrating it this year as Satish's maternal grandmother passed away last month. We did have our share of Ven Pongal and Sakkarai Pongal ---- prepared by my mum :)I wonder if anyone will ever dislike their respective mother's cooking. Satish left for the clinic at about 10:30am, Anubhav left with my mum to her place and later has gone to Mogappair to spend the day with Gayathri (MY SIL's) parent's place. Abhinav had a good time playing and watching TV with Jashwanth who is our neighbour's son. Arnav went on his first stroll on his new stroller. I spent my day watching some cartoon with Abhi and Jashu and then played Cafe World and Farm Ville and checked my emails and took Arnav for a stroll, hand lunch with Abhi and of-course my maid Sreedevi. While I am writing this, Abhi is watching Pokkiri movie and Arnav is sleeping and am waiting for Satish to come which will be post 10:30pm. Looks like I have written quite a lot for the first day.

More to come later.